Last night I got up from the dinner table, picked up my phone from the sofa, took it to my bedroom and left it there. I hadn’t planned to do so, there was no real reason behind it. I am not particularly making a conscious effort to spend less time on my phone, but it was dying so it wasn’t of much use to me. The plan was, once it had a little more charge, I would take it from my room, sit on the sofa and create the evening’s Instagram post, as I do every evening.
Allegra was sat in her high chair singing Spice Girls, ‘Mama’. She doesn’t know she’s singing Spice Girls, of course, but Christian always sings the song and so she’s picked up the tune. What she sings is mostly babble, but the ‘Mama’ is clear and she sings it with gusto and it melts my heart. So, I, thought, why don’t I actually let her hear the song. We listened to Mama and we had a little dance and she broke my heart, as she always does. She was swaying and waving and melting my heart. Then we listened to ‘Stop Right Now’ and marched all over the front room, Allegra laughing uncontrollably with glee. God this girl is just the sweetest thing.
Then we danced to Backstreet Boys ‘Everybody’ and lastly N’ Sync ‘Bye Bye Bye’…I must add, I can’t take credit for the playlist. These songs were selected by YouTube’s Autoplay and they really took me back to a time in my life where music holds so many memories. The second I heard Backstreet Boys I remembered exactly where I was the last time I heard that song, who I was with, how amazing that moment in time was and how much I laughed that day. Now I listen to endless Soulful House playlists on YouTube and although the tunes feel good in the moment, they hold no real deep memory for me. The music I listen to at home these days is mostly the background music to me eagerly churning out content on my phone. It’s music that isn’t too engaging or distracting so I can get on with my day without really having to listen.
Once we finished singing and dancing, both of us completely out of breathe, Allegra because she had laughed so hard and me, because I haven’t done anything as rigorous as singing, dancing and throwing my baby up in the air in a long time, Allegra sat on my lap and we read. I was aware of the fact that my phone was probably charged by now, that I should have been creating my Instagram post for the day, that Allegra should have been going to bed and that there was just half an hour till Love Island, but I decided not to care. For some reason, in this very moment, I just wanted to slow the fuck down.
Christian took Allegra off to bed, this would usually be my queue to grab my phone and get on the gram. Instead I went onto Netflix and I watched David Lettermen with Jay Z and I relished every second of their conversation. People talking about music, being creative and being moved by life…it made me realise I’ve not consumed a piece of art, be it a book, a song or a film that has truly moved me in ages.
My mind ticks over constantly with lists, with deadlines that I set myself, the end goal to make it to bed having achieved at least half of my list. I multitask, I speed clean, I speed cook, I speed Instagram, I don’t write, I don’t read because I need to do everything with speed. I don’t call my friends, I shop under pressure, I use car journeys to create content, I listen to podcasts in the bath and have ruined my lashes with extensions in an attempt to save time doing my makeup.
I am meant to be a writer. Writing puts me in the calmest state of mind, it slows me down and it reconnects me with the side of myself I like the most, but it’s too time consuming. Instead I write short snappy Instagram captions so I can post everyday, because lengthy ones are too time consuming and who really reads an entire caption of a lengthy Instagram post?!
I like that I have become so savvy with my time, that my multitasking abilities are through the roof and that my mind is always ticking…I am always switched on and as a stay at home mum that makes me proud. But, if I can take away one thing from this uneventful yet extraordinary evening that I have had, it is to remember to slow the fuck down. Seriously, just once a week or every two weeks or every month. Just remember to do it and actually do it. Listening to the Spice Girls with my daughter, jumping about my front room, and watching David Letterman with Jay Z has been amazing. Thank god for appreciating the little things.
While I wrote this Christian took a stroll to the shop to buy some ice cream. He’s back with Ben and Jerry’s Blondie Brownie and I’m going to eat it from the tub, because it just feels right in this moment.
Let’s try to slow down when we can, people x